Kindness to Parents

#1 08-18-2014

If you type the words, “kindness to parents” in Google,six of the first ten results are Islamic articles stressing the importance ofbeing dutiful and kind to parents. Why is this so? Islam is areligion that stresses the qualities of mercy, tolerance and respect. Godhas ordained the good treatment of Parents and warned us against treating themwith disrespect. There are several verses in the Quran where Kindness toparents is even coupled with the most important aspect of Islam, worshippingGod alone. This indicates that being kind to parents, honouring andrespecting them, is extremely important in the way of life that is Islam.
“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. Andthat you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of themattain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout atthem but address them in terms of honour.” (Quran 17:23)
No word of disrespect should be uttered toward aparent, nor even a look of resentment or contempt. Honouring Parents canbe considered a form of worship if the intention is to please Almighty God byrespecting His commands.
God continues this verse by reminding us that parentsare deserving of Kindness because they raised their children with gentlenessand oftenmade great sacrifices for their wellbeing. His use ofthe word wing invokes the image of a mother bird tenderly shielding her youngand calls to mind the gentleness that Parents have for their children.
“And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy,and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up whenI was small.’” (Quran 17:24)
The love and mercy that emanates from the MostMerciful God is manifest in the kind treatment existing between Parents andtheir children. God clearly prohibits the bad treatment of parents, andin another verse of the Quran He enjoins on us the need to show gratitude toHim, our Creator, as well as our parents. Again, God clearly linksthe rights owed to Him to the rights owed to parents.
“And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to hisparents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness andhardship, and his weaning is in two years give thanks to Me and to yourparents, unto Me is the final destination.” (Quran 31:14)
Prophet Muhammad reinforced the duty to be kind to parents. A companion of the Prophet once asked him which of the many good deeds a mancan do is the most loved by God. Prophet Muhammad answered him by saying,“To offer the prayer in its proper time”. The companion then asked, “Andwhat is next?” to which Prophet Muhammad replied, “To be good and dutiful toyour parents…”[1]. The responsibility to be kind and good to Parents comes right after thegreatest duty in Islam, the prayer.
More than Goodness

The Arabic word that is used in the Quran and the narrationsof Prophet Muhammad to denote this Kindness to Parents as bir, and moreoften than not, it is translated as goodness. However, as is the casewith most Arabic words, a direct translation into English often fails toexplain the true depth of meaning. Bir does not only mean goodness; itcontains shades of meaning that indicate kindness, compassion, respect and evenpatience. Islam, the way of life, encompasses all these qualities, andMuslims must strive to model this behaviour in all dealings, particularly inthe relationship between Parents and children.
Parents care for and nurture their children theirentire lives, but at one point this duty reverses, Parents become old andfeeble and in need of this care and nurturing themselves. The child is obligatedto care for the Parents by displaying all the qualities of bir andknowing that the reward for this is with God. The Prophet Muhammad said,“If anyone possesses these three characteristics God will give him an easydeath and bring him into His Paradise: gentleness towards the weak, affectiontowards parents, and Kindness to slaves.” [2]
One Man’s Devotion

Abu Hurairah was a close companion of ProphetMuhammad; he is credited with remembering and transmitting many of theProphets’ sayings. The life of Abu Hurairah also contains manydemonstrations of his love and devotion to his mother. When he firstembraced Islam, no amount of pleading could convince his mother to do thesame. Weeping and afraid, Abu Hurairah approached the Prophet and beggedhim to make supplication to God asking that his mother be guided. ProphetMuhammad complied with this request and within a very short period of time AbuHurairah’s mother uttered the words, “There is no God but God andMuhammad is his slave and Messenger”, thus embracing Islam.
Throughout his life, Abu Hurairah remained kind andcourteous to his mother. Whenever he wanted to leave home, he would standat the door of her room and say, “Peace be on you mother, and the mercy andblessings of God.” She would reply, “And on you be peace, my son, and themercy and blessings of God.” He would also say, “May God have mercy onyou as you cared for me when I was small,” to which she would reply, “May Godhave mercy on you as you delivered me from error when I was old.”
Abu Hurairah always encouraged other people to be kindand good to their parents. One day he saw two men walking together andenquired of the younger one, “Who is this man to you?” to which the young manreplied, “He is my father”. Abu Hurairah advised him by saying, “Do notcall him by his name, do not walk in front of him, and do not seat yourselfbefore he does”.
This gentleness and affection between Abu Hurairah andhis mother teaches us that mutual respect and love is a duty. A Muslim isobliged to show respect towards Parents even if they are non-Muslim, and thegreatest love he can show towards them is to supplicate to God in hope thatthey will be guided to Islam. At the time of the Prophet, many of thosewho embraced Islam found that it conflicted with the beliefs and requests oftheir parents, but they were taught to be kind and to obey their parents,except if the Parents demanded they disobey God.
“But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Meothers that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave withthem in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me inrepentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shalltell you what you used to do.” (Quran 31:15)
Being dutiful to parents, obeying them and treatingthem with Kindness is embedded in the teachings of Islam, however obedience toGod is always the first and foremost duty in Islam.

In several verses of the Quran, God makes clear thatduty, Kindness and gratitude towards Parents is an essential part ofIslam. However, women in Islam, particularly mothers, have been singledout for the upmost respect and devotion. God Himself tells of thehardships involved in motherhood.
“And we have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to hisparents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness andhardship...” (Quran 31:14)
In the time of Prophet Muhammad, a man askedpermission to go on a military expedition. The Prophet asked the man ifhe had a mother, when he replied yes, Prophet Muhammad said, “Stay with herbecause Paradise lies beneath her feet”. (Ahmad, Al-Nasai) What wonderful imagery these words invoke: Mothers and childrengazing at each other with love and gratitude. Tiny hands closed withinlarger hands. A touch to the face in times of stress and illness, or thewarmth of a loving mother’s voice. Images of mothers nurturing and caringfor their children, in health or sickness, in good times, or tryingtimes. Paradise lies at the feet of mothers; but what exactly do thesewords mean? Simply, the gates of Paradise are open for those who cherishand respect their mothers.
The role of the mother in the Islamic family is asequally important if not more as the role of the father, who is the providerand protector of his family. Not only does she go through both the joysand difficulties of pregnancy and giving birth, she dedicates the whole of herlife to nurturing and caring for her children. It is her responsibilityto raise and to educate them to be righteous and pious human beings. Shecooks, cleans, nurtures and educates, she is also responsible for theirspiritual, emotional and physical health and well-being. In return,children owe their mothers care, love, affection, respect and dutifulness. The task God assigned to mothers is large and sometimesoverwhelming. Accordingly, the reward for a righteous mother is nothingless than Paradise and in this life, she is esteemed and honoured.
Who is Most Worthy of Good Companionship?

In a hadeeth of Prophet Muhammad, a man came to theProphet asking, ‘Who among the people is the most worthy of my goodcompanionship? The Prophet said, your mother. The man said, ‘Thenwho?’ The Prophet said, then your mother. The man further asked,‘Then who?’ The Prophet said, then your mother. The man askedagain, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet replied, then your father. (SaheehAl-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim)
From only these two sayings of Prophet Muhammad, weare able to understand the importance of mothers in Islam. However, inthese days of materialism it is easy to forget that God obligated us to honourour parents, especially our mothers. Sometimes we find ourselves utteringwords of contempt or complaining about our parents. This sort of behaviouris not from Islam.
God reminds us that Prophet John (known as theBaptist) was dutiful towards his Parents both loving them and obeying them[3]. He said:
“O John! Hold fast the Scripture. And We gave him wisdomwhile yet a child. And (made him) sympathetic to men as amercy (or a grant) from Us, and pure from sins and he was righteous. And dutiful towards his parents, and he was neither an arrogant nor disobedient(to God or to his parents).” (Quran 19:12-14)
Additionally, in the Quran, we are able to hearthe words of Jesus; he describes himself by coupling his obedience to Godwith his duties towards his mother Mary.
“Verily! I am a slave of God. He has given me the Scriptureand made me a Prophet; and He has made me blessed wheresoever I be, and hasenjoined on me prayer, and alms, as long as I live, and dutiful to mymother, and made me not arrogant, unblest.” (Quran 19:30-32)
As busy as our lives may be it is of great benefit tolook back at the lives of the Prophets, and our righteous predecessors, to seehow they treated their parents, particularly their mothers.
The Companions’ Behaviour

Abdullah ibn Omar, a leading scholar from amongProphet Muhammad’s companions once saw a man carrying his mother on his backand going around the Holy House in Mecca[4]. He did not complain or show any signs of annoyance; rather he kept repeating aline of poetry comparing himself to a camel. He looked at Abdullah ibnOmar and asked him whether by so doing he discharged his debt to hismother. Ibn Omar said, “No. You have not even paid back one twingeof the pain she felt when giving birth to you”.
Another companion from the early days of Islam,Dhibyan ibn Ali ath-Thowree also used to travel with his mother to Mecca. The journey was long and very hot; on the side of the road during theirtravels, he would dig a little pool and fill it with cool water. He wouldthen turn to his mother and say, “Mother, sit in this water to cool yourself.”
Muslims who are obedient to God can never be unmindfulor unkind to their parents. Great reward is offered to those who treattheir parents, especially their mothers, with affection and gentleness, but astern warning is also given. The danger of disrespect is illustrated inthe following saying of Prophet Muhammad.
A man came to Prophet Muhammad and said, “A young manis dying and people are asking him to say there is no god but God, but he isunable to do so. “The Prophet then asked, "Did this man offerprayers?” The answer was yes. The Prophet then went to see the manand tried to encourage him to say there is no god but God. Still he wasunable to pronounce the words. Prophet Muhammad then called for the dyingman’s mother. The mother he had persistently disobeyed.
When she appeared, the Prophet asked, 'Respected lady,is he your son?” She replied yes. He then asked, “O respected lady,if we threaten to throw your son into a raging fire, would you recommend him tobe forgiven?” The lady replied that she would definitely ask him to beforgiven. The Prophet then said to her, “Then declare, making God and meyour witnesses, that you are now pleased with him.” The old woman readilydeclared, "O God, you and your Prophet are my witnesses that I am pleasedwith this beloved son of mine.” Then Prophet then turned to the dying manand asked him to recite, "There is no god but God, He is the One and hasno partners and I witness that Muhammad is His Servant and Messenger.” (AtTabarani, Ahmad)
Because of his mother’s forgiveness, the dying man wasable to recite the words that, by the Grace and Mercy of God, may have allowedhim to enter Paradise. The good treatment of Parents can be the key toParadise, on the other hand, bad behaviour towards them may result in apunishment in hellfire.

Islam is a religion of justice and compassion. It teaches morality and forbids bad conduct. Special status has beenafforded to the elderly; they are treated with respect and dignity. Muslims are urged to honour them and this is especially true when it comes tothe treatment of parents. Although death may take us at any age, parentsare often elderly and as such require special care and attention. Eventhough the rigours of old age may cause Parents to be demanding , impatient orpetulant, a Muslim is still obligated to treat then with Kindness and tolook after them lovingly. God linked honouring Parents to the command tobelieve in Him Alone.
“Worship God and join none with Him (in worship); and do good toparents…” (Quran 4:36)
One of Prophet Muhammad’s companions asked about thedeeds God loved most. The Prophet replied, the prayer offered on time andhonouring parents... (Saheeh Bukhari)
The sayings of Prophet Muhammad abound with words ofwisdom about the obligation to be dutiful and kind to parents. He wasonce heard to say:
“May he perish, May he perish, may he perish”. Those around him immediately asked whom he was referring. ProphetMuhammad replied, “He whose Parents (one or both) attain old age in his lifeand he does not enter Paradise (because of his goodness towards them).” (SaheehMuslim)
Respect for Parents is a key to the gates ofParadise. By upholding the commands of God and giving Parents theaffection and love due to them, we receive the reward of eternal bliss.
Beneficial Actions

There are many ways a Muslim can continue to honourand respect his or her Parents after their death. He may pray and makesupplications for God to show mercy towards them; he may pay any worldly debtsthey may have accumulated or debts owed to God such as fasting or making the pilgrimage(Hajj); and he may also give charity in their name. Keeping the ties ofkinship and friendship are also ways of continuing to show love and respect toparents after their death, and Islam carefully explains what actions on thepart of the living may be beneficial. The Prophet said,
“When a person dies, all his deeds come to an endexcept three: ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge (which he has left behind),or a righteous child who will pray for him.” (At Tirmidhi)
A man from among the companions asked ProphetMuhammad,
“Is there anything left from the goodness I owe myparents I should present to them after their death?” He replied, “Yes,four things: Pray and ask forgiveness for them. Fulfil theirpledges. Be kind to their friends. And maintain the ties of kinshipthat come from only their direction”. (Ahmad, Abu Dawood &ibn Majah)
Thus, it is understood that the Kindness and gratitudewe are obliged to show our Parents should be continued even after theirdeath. Prophet Muhammad also told us about a man raised to a very highstation in Paradise. The man was surprised and asked how he achieved sucha noble position. He was informed,
“Because your son prayed for your forgiveness”. (IbnMajah)
The Keys to Paradise

Life in the 21st century is hectic, and weare often overwhelmed by worldly concerns; so much so, we tend forget thatmorals and manners are a large part of this way of life that is Islam. Kindness to Parents is an obligation and we would do well to remember and toemulate the behaviour of the first Muslims. They held their Parents inhigh esteem, they loved and cherished them by following the commandments of Godand knew that paradise really did lie at the feet of mothers. These werenot just words to our predecessors; they were the keys to paradise.
In the narrations of Prophet Muhammad, we are able toobserve the behaviour of Abdullah, the son of Omar ibn al Khattab. On theroad to Mecca, Abdullah met a Bedouin. He greeted him with peace, had himride the mount that he was riding and gave him the turban that he had beenwearing on his head. One of Abdullah companions commented, “May God guideyou, they are just bedouin and they are content with something simple.” Abdullah answered, “The father of this man was a close friend of my father, andI heard the Messenger of God say, “The best way ofhonouring one’s Parents is for the son to keep in touch with his father’sfriends.”
Islam recognises the importance of the family unit,and a good and loving relationship between Parents and children isessential. After God, our Parents deserve our gratitude andobedience. A Muslim is obligated to show goodness and mercy to his or herparents. There is only one exception to this, if Parents expect theirchildren to associate anything with God or to do something regardedimpermissible in Islam, then the child must not obey, however nothing removesthe obligation to be kind and respectful.

المصدر: منتديات بنات فلسطين - من قسم: Section Language English

Kindness to Parents

08-24-2014

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08-24-2014

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